I recall during one of our first sessions together with my mindfulness coach. She told me this:

We are first going to do nothing.

Well, you can imagine how my ‘doing’, let’s fix it fast, this next way will/must/should work’ self reacted to this idea. And I was paying her to do tell me to do ‘nothing’?!?!? I was frustrated, curious, confused and annoyed.

At the same time, my ‘being’ self and quite honestly, my ‘I’m so tired, sad and confused’ self was ready to try anything, including NOTHING. I had been trying to solve the difficulty for so long, much in the same way I’ve solved other challenges in life — but it wasn’t WORKING. My DOING wasn’t WORKING. So, I thought I would give this NOTHING idea a go.

When I am mindful and turn towards difficulty instead of away, I am aware of all of the ‘shoulds, coulds and ought-tos’ running through my mind. Over time, I have realized I’ve let go of some shoulds, as when thinking about it in the present moment, I realize I don’t want or need to do the ‘shoulds’ my auto-pilot mind normally tells me.

During this time of working with this difficulty and starting a mindfulness practice, acceptance began. First and foremost, I had to define (or re-define) what acceptance actually meant.

I thought it was about giving in or giving up and throwing in the towel. As in this chapter, acceptance is not about giving up. It is not about ‘not feeling anything’ anymore. The word that came to me during my work with my coach was ‘indifferent’. It felt empowering, freeing to finally have found a word to articulate my acceptance of the situation and describe how I was feeling. I finally felt like there were choices in a situation I was defining as set, stuck, decided.

‘Acceptance allows the mind to embrace the true, deep understanding of how things really are. Acceptance is a pause, a period of allowing, of letting be, of clear seeing.’

I’m reminded of what comes with acceptance of how things really are – judgement of myself, the situation, the ‘shoulds and coulds’. I continue to remind myself to:

• Practice kindness first and foremost with myself about whatever is coming up when turning towards difficulty.
• Treat myself with compassion.
• Everything changes. Everything ends at some time, including difficulty.

How did this week go for you? Difficult dealing with the difficulty meditation?

Hope you are all doing well and sending peace out to those who especially need it this week.

PS: If you haven’t had a chance to read the entire chapter, I recommend a few key pages. The poem by Rumi, The Guest House, on page 166-167, is one of my favorites. And give the difficulty mediation on page 172 a g as well.

We don’t see the world as it is, but as we are.

We are constantly making guesses about the world, constantly creating and re-creating and interpreting the images our mind creates, second by second. It’s happening right now. All. The. Time.

This running story we create in our mind, the film we have playing, or the B as referred to in this chapter, is our interpretation of the ‘thing’, situation, emotion, though or feeling. And this where the rumors start to grow. Maybe my interpretation is right, maybe only half-right, maybe not right at all.

Our thoughts are like rumors in the mind. They might be true. They might not be.

I don’t know about you, but I spent a lot of time **thinking** about the statements and questions listed on pages 140-141. A lot of them rang true to me – I’ve had these thoughts at all kinds of times in my life.

The sounds and thoughts meditation was one of my favorites so far, if you can have a favorite meditation. I agree with the idea that you can learn to relate to unsettling thoughts in the very same manner we relate to sounds. I have set a goal to pay more attention to putting thoughts in the background, as needed and not always front and center.

I’m carrying this with me this week from this book:

This moment, too, is a moment of your life.

Even if I am frustrated and waiting in line. I don’t want to miss my life, whatever moment may be showing up, comfortable or uncomfortable. That is only my interpretation anyway, right?

What was your experience this week? How are you feeling overall? We’re already in Week 4. I’m curious to hear from you.

I’ve been traveling, working remotely and sleeping in a new place almost every night for the last 2 1/2 weeks. When it comes to my growing and somewhat regular mindfulness practice, this traveling certainly puts it to the test. Or does it? I’ve realized that it is not a test, it is not about being successful or being a failure with mindfulness meditation. It is not a to-do item. It is not something I do but rather who I am, even when I am not meditating. Just as we become **almost instantly** present once again as soon as we realize we are not, I have found myself also having these thoughts during the last few weeks:

I didn’t do my practice today. I’m driving in the car. OK, I can’t close my eyes, but I can take the next 5 minutes and concentrate on my breath. I’m waiting at the airport. I’m waiting in line. I can breathe. Hello. Here I Am. Breathe.

 

I have been reminded that a sustained mindfulness practice isn’t about crossing off each day and marking it as done and feeling guilty on the days I didn’t watch my breath. It is a practice, it is a way of being.

In this week’s chapter, my key takeaways include:

- Pushing and pulling in the direction I want to go is only one way. If I wait for things to work out, as they always do, just sometimes not in the way I want or expect them to, what other things change through this approach? For me, it is a sense of calm. Much less frustration and doubt.

- Remind myself of the sensation of feeling trapped and remember what this can create: exhaustion and helplessness. I am a Virgo and have a fair share of perfectionism (working on recovery from that one….) so this one hit home with me.

- The Three-Minute Breathing Space is the reminder and meditation I needed during these last few weeks. As in the book, it acts as a bridge between the longer and more formal meditations. 1. Become aware. 2. Gather and focus attention. 3. Expand attention.

How have your practices been this last week? Did anyone try the Mindful Movement Meditation? What was your experience?

How can you continue to have a mindfulness practice in your life amongst the everyday lives we lead which can sometimes pull us in another directions?

I met someone this week. My body. Thank you!

The week pushed me physically in ways I didn’t know possible. And I felt it. I really felt it in my body, not just in my head.

Remembering my body, my physical body, is tricky for me. As I didn’t play sports growing up, I didn’t learn at an early age the limits and abilities of my physical body. Only in the last few years would I say I have connected with my body, understanding it’s healing power, the amazing and organized machine it is as well as the unexpected limitations that exist or perhaps what makes my body unique.

The body scans this week have been ok for me so far, but not so comfortable. I find myself somewhat restless and my mind wanders. I fell asleep yesterday. I remind myself to be aware of what is here, right now. And if that question is answered with ‘nothing’ that is ok. If the sensations in my body are very subtle, I notice this very subtle feeling. Also, I am reminded that simply being aware of the stress or thought I am experiencing, can help to diffuse it as well. Being aware – so easy and so difficult at the same time.

This is your experience right now. There is no right way to feel. Let go of any intentions for the breath.Simply lie here. With a sense of coming home to the body, allow the body to be just as it is. Allow yourself to be just as you are – complete and whole, resting in awareness, moment by moment.

I remind myself that this practice is like training a muscle that has been underused and it takes time to redevelop this strength in reconnecting with my body.

Meditation is not a competition with anyone else and certainly not with ourselves. It is a practice to develop over time.

I’ve also done the 10-finger gratitude exercise this week. I agree with the book – after 4, I had to really stop, think and be aware of the simple gratitude around me. But once I did, I realized how much to be grateful for and how easily and mindlessly we take it for granted.

How has your week been? How was your practice? Did you go on a mindful walk?

The speed at which our brains process fear (real or perceived) is so quick that our body registers this fear before we’ve even consciously registered and our body reacts as such – whether or not that fear was real or not. Are you hearing this, cortisol levels?

I am certainly someone who spends a lot of time in my head and can completely forget my body at all. Our body can become somewhat of a stranger to us.

If there is one thing that we need to learn in order to bring peace and “ease of being” into our lives in the mindst of a frantic world, it is how to “come home” to this part of ourselves that we have ignored too long.”

For me, learning to remember my breathe and the power of my breathe has been helpful in reconnecting to my body. To remember I have a choice with every breathe to respond in a fight, flight or relaxation response to any and all situations.

As suggested in this chapter, I have done the body scan many times. It is hard for me to stay patient and present, but I keep trying it as I know it is something that develops with daily practice. I don’t really know which parts of my body are sending messages during a stressful situation. I know my neck and shoulders can tense up over time. But otherwise? I hope that the body scan meditation can help me better connect with where stress is showing up in my body.

My goal with this chapter is to increae my committment to doing the body scans. The book suggests to set aside 15 minutes a day and dedicate them soley to the body sccan so that at the end of the week, I will have completed 12 body scans. That overwhelms me a bit as I read it, but I know if I remind myself that this is a daily practice, it makes it a bit easier. And to just do it. Don’t overthink it. Am I doing it right? Should I being doing this differently? Sure, I will have these thoughts but also know they will come and go, as all thoughts do.

Meditation is here to nourish you and your soul.

My week so far and some thoughts:

- Mindfulness is not about trying to switch off your mind. However, as said in the book, when we move towards the chatter, this actually gives us more choices about what to do next. This seems at first perhaps not so logical, but I get it and I have experienced this. Mindfulness offers up a choice and gives us possibilities. I can choose to accept the thoughts or not. I am reminded that my thoughts are my thoughts and not me. They will come and go, like the weather.

- Breathing. The breath breathes itself. It does not need us to make it happen. Your breath is always there (well, not always. If your breath is no longer there, you are dead in the physical sense). You don’t have to travel miles to a retreat, ashram, or take a yoga class everyday, though you certainly can. A mindfulness practice is always accessible through your breath.

I was at a family event last Sunday and was focused on going off of my autopilot and being more present. It was a wonderful celebration yet also a bit complicated, as family events sometimes are. I was present. How did I know? I kept repeating the word breathe to myself. Breathe. You are here.

And my worries,concerns, fears went away for a moment. And then they came back. Breathe. You are here. I also realized that in choosing to be present, I was really hearing people’s questions and I was answering them in my present moment. How do I really want to answer that question, I thought. And as such, I found myself being courageous, honest and real. It surprised some, but lead to very rich and authentic connections. It was wonderful.

What about you? How was your week?
How were the practices for week one?

‘We seemingly miss obvious things through automatically paying attention somewhere else.’

Although this makes “sense”, as I read this, I still thought,

“Hmmmm…. how much of my life have I missed by paying attention to my incessant thinking, to something else?”

Our thoughts are so powerful and can take us places we never even intended. Like when a couple of weeks ago, when I went to the grocery store to buy bananas and ended up with Ben & Jerry’s as well. My thoughts of having something sweet took over, if you will, and present was anything but what I was. I don’t even think I was present while eating the ice cream. My thoughts were somewhere else, I think. But I don’t know because I was on autopilot and not ‘there’.

As much as we may still believe in the effectiveness of multitasking, we can really only concentrate on one thing at a time or at least pay attention to a small number of things at one time. What this means with our thoughts is that one thought seems to drive out another. If there’s too much swimming around, then we can overflow and this can lead to feelings of stress. As said in the book, our autopilot allows us to extend the working memory by creating habits to ‘help’ us not crash and be stressed so quickly and often. A good thing, most of the time.

“Habits trigger thoughts, which trigger more thoughts, which end up triggerng yet more habitual thoughts.”

What a cycle.

I am looking at my habits this week and looking at what habits I could release. And you?

What stuck with me from this chapter is understanding what mindfulness is NOT. It is NOT about getting rid of your thoughts. How would you do THAT? Mindfulness does not say, “Don’t send emails.”

Rather, it reminds us to check in and ask ourselves,

“Is this what I had intended to be doing?”

And in this exact moment, we are present. And we have a choice to leave our autopilot and choose something new.

For me, this brings up a few meaningful questions I’ll be reminding myself of this week:

- Is this was I had inteded to be doing?
- Is this how I want to be reacting and responding?
- Is this how I want to remember this ** moment ** after it’s gone?

This chapter lists several every day habits we have where we can practice being more mindful. Washing the dishes, brushing your teeth, drinking, eating. For me, this week it has been ironing.

The next time you are in the shower, ask youself: Are you really in the shower? Or are you somewhere else? Already riding to work? Crafting the email to send before 9.00? Thinking about what you’ll have for lunch?

So often we’re really not where we actually are. We can be though. It’s a choice we have. Every. Single. Moment.

What about you? What have you learned about your own autopilot?

Tip: If you don’t have any raisins at home, pick some up this week. You’ll need one this week!

• Focusing on the gap we create between where we are and where we want to / should be opened my eyes once again to the power of what we can create within ourselves. Thankfully, we have the ability to solve problems, to bridge this gap. But when it comes to solving the ‘problem’ of unhappiness, it requires us to focus on the gap of how we are and how we’d like to be, often times highlighting the gap because we are spending so much time trying to ‘solve’ it. Through this, we can become trapped in our own thoughts.
• Feelings of unhappiness and tension are emotions and states of our body and mind which will come and go. They cannot be solved – they can only be felt.
• Seeing your life from a different place. Sounds so simple. Duh. But as I read more about this (p. 33) and applied it to some current situations, I became more present, I realized the power such a shift can have and the choice it creates. Literally.
• I grew up living and breathing in a doing culture. Shifting into a being mode is hard work for me, but I found the 8 characteristics of being modes helpful in providing practical ways of starting to be more, do less. I remind myself that one shift alone starts the shift of other areas as well. I experienced this when I changed my diet 2 years ago.
• ‘In mindfulness, we start to see the world as it is, not was we expect it to be, how we want it to be or what we fear it might become.’

Discussion Questions

• Do you find it difficult to stay focused on what’s happening in the present?
• What do you need to do (logistics) to be ready for next week? Chapter 4 (p. 56) provides the how-to of the next 8 weeks.
• If you were to choose a passage from this first part of the book, what would it be? Why?
• How many of you did the chocolate mediation? What was your experience?

‘Be with things the way they are.’

‘Mindfulness is a way of learning to relate directly to whatever is happening in your life, a way of taking charge of your life, a way of doing something for yourself that no one else can do for you — consciously and systematically working with your own stress, pain, illness, and the challenges and demands of everyday life. ‘

It’s time! As some of you already know, I will be hosting a read along on the Culture Bumps blog starting this week.

Join me in a 9-week read along of the book, Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World. I don’t know if I would use the word frantic to describe my time living and working abroad everyday, but I do know I have had frantic days while being an expat.

How do I sign-up?

If you are reading this directly via the blog, then you are good to go. If you were forwarded this post and want to receive the updates directly, go to www.culturebumps.com/blog and sign-up to receive our blog. You will receive all read along information via the blog postings (2x/week).

What do I need?

1. The book, Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. You can order it on Amazon, The Book Depository and several other on-line bookstores. The real paper book costs $15.99; also available as an e-book.

2. Commitment to and time for the 8-week program.

What is the cost to join the read-along?

Nothing.

When does it begin?

Right now! This week! Week 1 (Prep Week) starts today. The read along will end during the week of June 24th, 2013.

What can I expect?

I will post via the blog a summary of the week’s work, exercises and questions to create a dialogue between participants. You will be able to post comments and ask questions as you wish.

Here’s the schedule:

April 29^th:     Prep Week:  Read pages 1-56 and get ready!

Week 1:       Waking up to the Autopilot

Week 2:       Keeping the Body in Mind

Week 3:       The Mouse in the Maze

Week 4:       Moving Beyond the Rumor Mill

Week 5:       Turning Toward Difficulties

Week 6:       Trapped in the Past or Living in the Present?

Week 7:       When Did You Stop Dancing?

Week 8:        Your Wild and Precious Life

I look forward to talking with you during this read along. If you have any questions, please let me know.

- What’s next? Where is this field going? And what do our clients really need?

- The term ‘intercultural’ is very popular at the moment. Often times overused. It seems that everyone is an Interculturalist, everything is defined as being intercultural, without going beyond what that actually means.

-  Do we practice what we preach. Do no harm? Are we ethical and do the right thing?

- Culture is being used as a crutch, as a to-do item with little to no intentionality. It is seen as an ‘easy’ and efficient explanation to explain extremely complex human behavior in an ever-changing global environment with competing goals and objectives for the individuals involved.

Simply having someone understand that they are low context communicators and their colleague is high context does little to change any behavior. But the to-do item is complete.

- If our clients are dealing with increasing complexity and ambiguity, how are we supporting them? How do we adapt what we do to manage this complexity? Traditional intercultural approaches and answers don’t fit.

-I see our role as facilitators to ask if it could be cultural. And if not, recommend other, more suitable support. This is working responsibly. Intercultural ‘stuff’ is a method to understand what is going on, but certainly not the only one.

- Development is a process, not a 3-day conference with a kick-off. Intercultural Development is no different.

- Often times, our work involves more about learning something different, perhaps even ‘unlearning’ than learning something new.

For those of you in the field, what do you think?